I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
