so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am available for nakedness
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
