I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
