im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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