Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
