Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize