I cut my penus on the lid.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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