I met the friendliest cop last night
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
