i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
