there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
