whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
In other news, I just burned my penis
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
