A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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