The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize