We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
