Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
