i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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