I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He better not be in your backpack
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
