We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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