Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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