My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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