People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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