Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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