a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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