Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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