I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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