3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
