The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
