I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Randomize
