I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
