Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
