I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
