So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
