fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
