i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
