Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize