You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
