Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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