I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
