I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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