About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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