piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
