In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
did i just pee glitter
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
