I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
