The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
