My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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