If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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