Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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