a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
