I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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