i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
