She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize