Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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