Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
