I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
