Your tits are I can't wait for
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
