he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
