he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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