I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
