Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize