Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I touched a dick in church today
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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