Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
