I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
