I'm going to jail i love you
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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