Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
