I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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