so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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