i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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