I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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