So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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