i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
