Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
