Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
